Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
