The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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