Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
