Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
