Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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