this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
