Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
