In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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