the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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