I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
