i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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