I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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