You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
