Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
