Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
