i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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