I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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