one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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