i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize