Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
