She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
