just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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