Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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