At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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