We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
