I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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