Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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