Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
