Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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