so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
