The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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