so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
