he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
