just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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