The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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