All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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