Sponge bath it is.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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