I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
