oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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