why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
