She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
