batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
