Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
