would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and she was petting her beer can
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
