It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
