he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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