I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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