omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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