My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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