...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
