dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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