You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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