I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize