ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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