I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
