yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
