so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
