Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
