he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
