I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
