oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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