Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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