I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
