You're my little dorito
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
