never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
