He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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