Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
