So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
