It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
