3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
